Good evening and thank you, Senators and Councilwomen. I'm told that it's an honor to address this august body, and I mean that in the most sensitive manner. I myself have a November body, and I know how some of you must feel. Tonight, I do not wish to waste the council's time with ill-considered rubbish. I have given this rubbish -- as I do all rubbish -- long and careful consideration, and I can only hope that all of us have as well.
I wish to draw the council's attention to the question of animal eligibility. While you are considering new regulations for determining which animals may reside here, in whose backyard, and run for political office, I remind you all that our former rules were, in fact, declared unconstitutional in 1974, and I believe that in the spirit of mean-spirited finger-pointing that has made me what I am today, we should determine who our mayor was in that immemorial year, and punish him or her severely. As President Poe said, sink him in a dank tarn of ushers.
I realize that it may not be possible to find out who the mayor was in 1974, what with all those records being destroyed when they tore down the bus station , but I believe it is in the best interest of posterity that we try. To quote my revered ancestor, Paul Revere, if not who, why? If not them, wherefore?
And I yield the remainder of my time to the King of Norway.
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