Still think Nixon wasn't nuts?

Newly-released transcripts from his famous secret taping system in the White House show RMN as a deeply bigoted,  almost incredibly warped guy.  Just like I've always said.  And just to show you I'm no Zionist or Black Panther, I won't tell you what he said about Jews and African-Americans.  Instead, here's his take on the Irish.

“The Irish have certain — for example, the Irish can’t drink. What you always have to remember with the Irish is they get mean. Virtually every Irish I’ve known gets mean when he drinks. Particularly the real Irish.” 

I guess this means I'm not real Irish.

Massive denial of service attacks hit US mail

Parties affiliated with certain radical blogs have reported huge denial of service attacks, using the US Postal Service to deliver large volumes of obscure post cards to unsuspecting victims.  Believed to originate in Upstate New York, the attacks have been going on for some time now, with no end in site. Here are some examples: the clear terrorist meaning is certainly, um, clear.

Pick your favorite war

As part of a massive, grant-funded sociology experiment, Wood-Charles is conducting a survey on which of the several wars the US is waging now are of greatest concern to you, the innocent reader.  Please choose from the following:

• The war in Afghanistan
• The war in Iraq (yes, it's still going on)
• The war in Iran (to be called "Operation Oh Shut Up, You Idiot!")
• The war on drugs (one of my favorites)
• The war on illegal immigration
• The war on poverty (lost long ago but still running)
• The war on Christmas
• The war on Julian Assange (Operation Oh shut up II)
• The war on Somali Pirates (Operation Arrrgh!)
• The war on Kanye West (Operation We're-a not gonna let you finish)
• The war on infrastructure (Operation StadiumBridge)
• The war on obesity (Operation Porcoff)
• The war in Venezuela (Operation Wot-a-wankah)
• The war on feral pigs (Operation oink-a-wee!)
  

Please select no more than three (or if you suggest others, limit your total to three or fewer,) since the US military is a bit busy right now.

Overheard in the hospital

Hospital tech: Is yo' pants off yet? We got a big problem with people comin' down here for colonoscopies with they pants still on.

Patient: What?

Tech: What you havin' done?

Patient: A bronchoscopy.

Tech: You kin keep yo' pants on.

UM Hospital Non-invasive procedures

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Factory rat: Yeah, old Fred* was a scrapper. When he was in the service, he bit the ear off a guy, you know, back before it was even popular.

Huron Gastro-enterology waiting room

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Perhaps unfortunately, those were just about all the humorous utterances involved in my recent experiences.

Missed this one

For many years, especially while I was an active Food Gatherers volunteer, we were kept aware of the need to distinguish between prepared food -- actually cooked dishes -- that came from a state-inspected commercial kitchen and food that did not.  The state Department of Agriculture needed to sign off on your home made granola bars, if you were going to sell or donate them, just as though you were a restaurant or something.

Somehow without my noticing, that's changed.  We now have a see-how-you-like-it law that lets you play around with producing food for sale, if you have less than $15,000 presumably a year, in revenue.  All you have to do is label it "Made in a home kitchen that has not been inspected by the Michigan Department of Agriculture."

Interesting.  I would not have predicted that the DoA would ever let go of any of its power, especially given the misguided zeal it exhibits in tracking down evil providers of non-factory-farm products and even on-the-side ventures like smoking meats.  The law does seem to balance the needs of early-days business plans with the unquestionable dangers of inexpert food safety -- there are things I wouldn't try that just came out of somebody's kitchen, myself, just because I know how casual my own approach to temperatures and cleanliness has been.  Thoughts? Step in the right direction or invitation to pandemics?

US Navy to the rescue!

A StorageTek spokesman admitted that Carnival Cruise lines was a customer, but said that there was no clear evidence that flaming tape drives had caused the fres.


Navy helicopters flew in Spam, Pop Tarts and canned crab meat

Russian attack hamster

Thanks to the kind folks who provide links to Dave Barry's blog, I'm able to pass along this vital piece of intel.  Do hamsters have natural predators?  What is a hamster, anyway, and why the attitude?  So many unanswered questions.

Too bad we're not having a constitutional convention

We could have enshrined this precious right in the new version.

When I was in high school, a friend and I made an 8mm film as a class project.  It involved driving around the MSU campus and inviting people to give us the finger.   Kind of like the old "Show us your Lark pack!" cigarette ads.  I don't think we actually turned it in for a grade.

A moment of silence

For Leo Cullum, a long-time New Yorker cartoonist, who died this week. I knew his work, but I didn't know until I read the article in the NYT that he was a Vietnam Vet. Airline pilot, too. Huh.

Apocalyptic wackos learn the hard way ...

... not to believe everything they hear an archaeologist say.

The folks who think the world is coming to an end in 2012 because the Maya said so are, presumably, not themselves experts in deciphering Mayan epigraphy. That is an extremely difficult and technical task. Instead, the 2012 enthusiasts had to rely on experts' translations of obscure glyphs, and unfortunately for the pipe dreamers, those translations may well be out by 50 to 100 years, according to new work being done.

And even worse, the amount by which things are off may be a positive or negative value, meaning that whatever event was theoretically being predicted may already have happened. Personally, I think the date is off by -12 years, and that the end of the world already took place in November, 2000. I can understand how some people might not have noticed. Another hypothesis is that it's off by -164 years, and that the catastrophe in question took place when the US lost a war with Mexico and was forced to take Texas as a result.

Anyway, if you can get your money back on those 2012 dystopia festival tickets, I'd recommend it. And here's a nice list of 10 other end-o-the-world predictions that didn't come true -- at least not as written.