My old stompin' grounds

I went to high school in Perry, but this is probably the most excitement they've had since I escaped graduated myself.

Unexpected consequences

"Tigers, Lions create jobs, boost sales for Ann Arbor restaurants"

Although you might not suspect it, having large carnivores roaming the Detroit area can be a boost for local economies. "After you've been bitten by, say, a lion," said an Ann Arbor restaurant owner who spoke on condition of anonymity, "a nice dinner out can be restorative."

The Department of Natural Resources issued a statement denying that Michigan had any populations of Tigers or Lions or Cougars or Woodchucks or Squirrels or Ants or Fruit Bats or ... (at this point, the spokesman for the DNR began to foam at the mouth and fell over backwards.)

A fundamental law

The law of conservation of idiots appears to be operating as theoretically proposed, as demonstrated by experiments carried out at the Large Idiot Collider, located near Geneva, in Switzerland.

"With several important idiots having vanished or 'decayed' from the GOP Presidential ticket, it was theoretically necessary for an equivalent mass of idiocy to enter the race in order to preserve the balance of both sides of the equation," said Dr. Itchy Verboten of the Max Planck institute. "With the announcement from Karen Bellino, it appears that the theory has been adequately demonstrated."

"We should see some stability resulting from this event, up to the point at which Newt Gingrich reaches his half-life. At that point, I would expect something easily detectable to occur, for example a third party bid by Ross Perot."

Anthony Weiner was not involved

2011 10 13: Update the National Hot Dog and Sausage Council speaks out!

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And the article doesn't say if ketchup or mustard were. But someone flung a hot dog at Tiger Woods. "Just an idiot," said an official, but it was unclear who he was referring to, the sausage terrorist or Woods.

See this post, from many years back, on another public figure being assaulted with food.

Think back, now

A right-wing, socially-conservative pizza company president tries to influence national and international affairs, funds off-the-charts activism ... sound familiar to Ann Arbor people? What is it about the pizza business that attracts (or produces) people like Herman Cain and, yes, Tom Monaghan? I wonder if they've met.

By the way, Tom isn't resting on his laurels. He's decided to take another run at the bad-for-you food business, but this time with burgers. Could it be that he signed a non-compete in the pizza biz when he left Domino's?

Monaghan is 74 and says "... my doctor tells me I have the arteries of someone who is 55, ...” Who that unfortunate person was and how much his estate got paid was not reported.

Two more down

Updated 2011 12 04:

So even though his staff jumped through hoops to flesh out a campaign plan, just in case, Chris Christie isn't running. And, alas, neither is Sarah Palin. So this leaves the GOP with Mitt Romney and Rick Perry, now that Thad McCotter is out.

I know, I know, they aren't the only ones running. Would you like to see a list of who still is, right off the GOP's national web site? Here they are, in order of I don't know what:

• Still crazy enough to be in the race
  
  • Michele Bachmann(Not actually a Republican)
    
  • Herman Cain
    
  • Newt Gingrich
    
  • Jon Huntsman
    
  • Gary Johnson
    
  • Fred Karger
    
  • Andy Martin
    
  • Thad McCotter
    
  • Jimmy McMillan (yes, the "The rent is too damn high," guy)
    
  • Tom Miller
    
  • Ron Paul (yes, the only one crazier than Jimmy McMillan but not as crazy as Bachmann)
    
  • Tim Pawlenty
    
  • Rick Perry
    
  • Buddy Roemer
    
  • Mitt Romney
    
  • Matt Snyder
    
  • Rick Santorum
    
  • Vern Wuensche
    

• Dumb enough to allow themselves to be described as "potential" candidates
  
  • Rudy Giuliani, Republican, Former Mayor of New York City
    
  • Lindsey Graham, Republican, U.S. Senator from South Carolina
    
  • Roy Moore, Republican, Former Chief Justice of the Alabama Supreme Court
    
  • Joe Scarborough, Republican, U.S. Representative from Florida
    
  • Allen West, Republican, U.S. Representative from Florida
    

• Dumb enough to have allowed themselves to be thought of as potential, but
  smart enough to say, "no thanks."
  
  • Haley Barbour, Republican, Current Governor of Mississippi
    
  • John Bolton, Republican, Former Ambassador to the United Nations
    
  • Jeb Bush, Republican, Former Governor of Florida
    
  • Chris Christie, Republican, Current Governor of New Jersey
    
  • Mitch Daniels, Republican, Current Governor of Indiana
    
  • Jim DeMint, Republican, U.S. Senator from South Carolina
    
  • Mike Huckabee, Republican, Former Governor of Arkansas
    
  • Bobby Jindal, Republican, Current Governor of Louisiana
    
  • Bob McDonnell, Republican, Current Governor of Virginia
    
  • Sarah Palin, Republican, Former Governor of Alaska
    
  • Mike Pence, Republican, U.S. Representative from Indiana
    
  • David Petraeus, Republican, Director of the Central Intelligence Agency
    
  • Marco Rubio, Republican, U.S. Senator-elect from Florida
    
  • Paul Ryan, Republican, U.S. Representative from Wisconsin
    
  • John Thune, Republican, U.S. Senator from South Dakota
    
  • Donald Trump, Republican, Business Magnate
    

Speaking of strange, unexplained events

At least one of them is over. Footnote-to-history Thad McCotter, has dropped out of the race for the GOP nomination.

I try to keep a sense of humor about this sort of thing, especially given the caliber of other, more serious, candidates (like there are any,) but McCotter I found to be a more than usual insult to the intelligence of the public (like there is any.) Anyway, he's gone, crawling back under the rock of Southeastern Michigan Republican politics.

Must-have fashion accessories for Fall

A camo beanie! From Cabela's, who else? From their mannerist collection, after Parmigianino's Moron with the long neck. Besides all else, consider that someone got paid to model for that photo, someone else got paid to take it, and a catalog editor selected it for use. The wonder of it all.

What's that? You say it's not a real model, it's a dummy? Oh, I agree. I agree. One way or the other.

Stupid Comics

No, this is not a current political cartoon, representing Republican members of congress. It's one of many, many '40s era comics mocked on the web site, Stupid Comics.

I grant you, the guy in the middle does look like Dick Cheney, but no ...

Cat food, cat food, cat food ... AGAIN!

Detroit is the worst dining city? Hard to argue with. Let's just all hope that Kwame Kilpatrick doesn't opt for the food service business when he finally wriggles away from the feds (hopefully not in my lifetime.)

Seriously, this take on Detroit food brings to mind the Firesign Theater bit about Mayor Noche's Bamba Shelter: Hey, Jose', order up our special-a sandwich, a sleepy Joe. One's enough, 'cause they're made of dog food and downers! Plus, fabulous, this week only, red beans and reds! Yes, Bad food and bad people go together at Mayor Noche's (cue reverb) Bamba Shelter!

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To John's comment below, the "study" that produced this conclusion was a survey of LivingSocial (a Groupon wannabe) customers, so its gold-plated, double-blind, statistical veracity could well be questioned. The Mlive blogger I stole this from who noted the story believed it applied to within the bounds of Eight Mile, not the Detroit SMSA. Why he thought that, I cannot say.