The Occasional Joke


Nurse: Patient's name?

Centurion: Marcus Licinius Crassus

Nurse: And his date of birth?

Centurion: 115 BC.

Nurse: All right. And what is he here for?

Centurion: Cataphract surgery.


Sunday, November 4, 2007

Foreshadowing the BitTorrent Scandal

This week, we learned that Comcast may have been discriminating against peer to peer traffic via BitTorrent. The following old Wood-Charles article, from Lord knows how long ago (note coy references to defunct ISPs like Prodigy and defunct browsers like Mosaic), shows that it ain't a new issue.


COMMERCIAL PROVIDERS SLUFF OFF LOAD

ANN ARBOR: INFOWORLD COLUMNIST ROBERT X. CRINGLEY REPORTS THAT TWO OF THE MAJOR COMMERCIAL INTERNET ACCESS PROVIDERS ARE EXPERIENCING DEMAND SO FAR AHEAD OF CAPACITY THAT THEY RESORT TO CREATIVE, SOFTWARE BASED SOLUTIONS TO HANDLING IT. THE PROVIDERS WHICH SHALL REMAIN NAMELESS (EXCEPT THAT ONE ISN'T BOSNIA-OFF-LINE AND THE OTHER ISN'T A CHILD PROGENY) DO THINGS LIKE, RESPECTIVELY, CLOSING OFF ACCESS DURING PEAK HOURS AND DOWNGRADING CONNECTIONS FROM 9600 TO 12OO.

NOW, A NEW APPROACH IS EMERGING FROM ANN ARBOR'S OWN MARMOT NET. MARMOT NET IS THE WORLD'S LARGEST, LEAST-EXPENSIVE PROVIDER, HAVING (ACCORDING TO ITS FIGURES) 12 TIMES MORE USERS ON LINE AT ANY TIME THAN COMPUSERVE AND MSEN PUT TOGETHER. THIS DESPITE A HARDWARE BASE CONSISTING OF A 2400 BAUD ZOOMODEM AND A FIVE-YEAR-OLD TOSHIBA LAPTOP. HOW DOES MARMOT COPE WITH LOAD? "LIKE THE OTHER PLAYERS, WE HAVE RESORTED TO SOFTWARE SOLUTIONS," SAID A MARMOT NET SPOKESFOOL. "WE QUIETLY DOWNLOAD A PROGRAM ONTO YOUR HARD DRIVE THE FIRST TIME YOU LOG ON. THEN, ANY TIME IT DETECTS UNACCEPTABLE DELAYS IN SYSTEM RESPONSE, IT TAKES OVER AND ACTUALLY BEGINS SIMULATING INTERNET ACCESS LOCALLY. IT'S COOL. WE CAN GENERATE ABUSIVE MAIL FROM GRUMPY ETHNIC TYPES, UNSOLICITED ADVERTISING FROM LAWYERS, INACCURATE TECHNICAL INFORMATION FROM NEWS GROUPS, AND EVEN SHOW WHAT APPEARS TO BE MOSAIC, ENDLESSLY SPINNING ITS LITTLE WORLD THINGY. AND OF COURSE, MAILING LIST TRAFFIC FROM THE ANN ARBOR COMPUTER SOCIETY IS ALWAYS GOOD FOR KILLING TIME AND CONVINCING USERS TO LOG OFF."

Loonies in the news

So what is up with the Zoe's Arc people? In case you missed it, this is the French NGO that took "donations" from people to "foster" Darfur orphans. But, somehow, when they actually went into the region to gather up the suffering children, what they came up with seems to have been Chadean non-orphans, mostly, whom they are aledged to have suckered into their cars (I'm not kidding -- this is what the Chadean authorities claim happened) with offers of sweets and schooling. They were busted trying to fly a large number of kids out of the country (Chad, not the Sudan), and so far, it's taken a visit by Nicolas Sarkozy himself to get even a few of the do-gooders sprung and back out of Dodge. Bizarre.

Life, as a character in Once Upon A Time in America says, is funnier shit.

Syllables Lost

One of our local FM stations, based at one of our local universities (we have several) employs a handful of professional broadcasters and another handful of fumble-mouthed halfwits. One of these has somehow managed to stay on the air for a couple of years, doing nothing, far as I know, but the mid-Saturday morning station breaks. He has many, many annoying mannerisms, but the greatest of them was his pronounciation of the word "currently," as in "currently at W***, it's 27 degrees." When he began his career, the best he could do was "curly." But now, after substantial practice (and I like to think, at least some coaching or coursework) he's gotten it up to "currnt-ly." Perhaps this year, we'll earmark our pledge to buy him a vowel.