The Occasional Joke

Nurse: Patient's name?

Centurion: Marcus Licinius Crassus

Nurse: And his date of birth?

Centurion: 115 BC.

Nurse: All right. And what is he here for?

Centurion: Cataphract surgery.

Thursday, January 23, 2014

Showing great restraint

Sitting with a nurse practitioner or a physician's assistant or something like that, yesterday, as she updated my prescription list:

NP/PA: Ok, you're still taking the Tacrolimus and the hydrocortisone ... Fluconisole, hmm. Do you have a spleen?

Because she isn't one of the team who's used to me, I refrained from reaching for my wallet and saying "Do you have change for a kidney?"

Turing test beaten

Out of idle curiosity, I searched for "wood charles" via Google. Even with the quotes in place, it persisted in showing lots of links to Charles Wood or Wood, Charles. We didn't show up anywhere on the first three pages.

But, if you search for "wood charles" idiots ... Ha, ha!  We're at the top of the list! The IPO is planned for next week.

The world on mushrooms

Maybe it's just the cold. Maybe my expectations of rationality in world affairs are miscalibrated.  Maybe I need to get out more. Here are some stories, gathered from just this morning's news,  that make me feel as though the rest of humanity is insane or I am. Judge for yourself.
  • Brussels mayor's shorts stolen: in a story headlined "Brussels mayor's signed undies stolen from bar", UPI reports that the aforesaid unmentionables were ripped off from a bar's Museum of Underpants. The bar is owned, by the way, by an anarchist and film maker.
  • Parrot runs for office in Belarus: And then withdraws from the election because the office in question wasn't "... very prestigious."
  • Mandela statue has rabbit in ear:  So someone responsible for the creation of a statue honoring the late Nelson Mandela "carved" a rabbit in one ear.  Of the statue. Not their own.
  • Russia Lib Dem pol advises Obama to divorce: He says Michelle is a distraction.
  • Shrimp mayo Doritos: Get 'em while they're weird. But only until March 17. Japan. What else can I say?
  • Glenn Beck sorry: Well, he didn't actually say he was sorry for "tearing the country apart." Actually, he seems to be a bit proud of it. Hubris in place, cue nemesis.
  • Photos of pigs censored:  By the NYT. In Malaysia. Because it is "... a Muslim country."  Not the whole pig, apparently, just the faces. The faces?!?
  • Captain and Tennille divorcing: Shocking. I didn't know they were still alive, but even so ... shocking.
Oh, and some singer -- Beebo or something like that -- was arrested for drag racing his Lamborghini against a Ferrari, in the street, while intoxicated, at 4 AM. In Miami.

Also, note the nice job I did of tagging this post.  You won't see that kind of metadata on Fox News.

Monday, January 20, 2014

America: Love it or leave it

It's not often that I manage to find something positive to say about the GOP, here in Michigan. But I want to take this opportunity to thank Dave Agema, our Republican National Committeeman. His candid expressions of opinion have allowed me to cross off one item on my life list.  His assertion that the Russian policies regarding LBGT rights are "common sense" will let me do something that I've waited decades to do. Ever since the Seventies, I've wanted to say to a social conservative:

Hey, punk. If you don't like it here, move to Russia!


And while you're at it, stop off in the UK, look up a guy named David Silvester, and take him with you.

The back stories, if you haven't seen them: