The Occasional Joke

Nurse: Patient's name?

Centurion: Marcus Licinius Crassus

Nurse: And his date of birth?

Centurion: 115 BC.

Nurse: All right. And what is he here for?

Centurion: Cataphract surgery.

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Still think Nixon wasn't nuts?

Newly-released transcripts from his famous secret taping system in the White House show RMN as a deeply bigoted,  almost incredibly warped guy.  Just like I've always said.  And just to show you I'm no Zionist or Black Panther, I won't tell you what he said about Jews and African-Americans.  Instead, here's his take on the Irish.

“The Irish have certain — for example, the Irish can’t drink. What you always have to remember with the Irish is they get mean. Virtually every Irish I’ve known gets mean when he drinks. Particularly the real Irish.” 

I guess this means I'm not real Irish.

Friday, December 10, 2010

Massive denial of service attacks hit US mail

Parties affiliated with certain radical blogs have reported huge denial of service attacks, using the US Postal Service to deliver large volumes of obscure post cards to unsuspecting victims.  Believed to originate in Upstate New York, the attacks have been going on for some time now, with no end in site. Here are some examples: the clear terrorist meaning is certainly, um, clear.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Pick your favorite war

As part of a massive, grant-funded sociology experiment, Wood-Charles is conducting a survey on which of the several wars the US is waging now are of greatest concern to you, the innocent reader.  Please choose from the following:

  • The war in Afghanistan
  • The war in Iraq (yes, it's still going on)
  • The war in Iran (to be called "Operation Oh Shut Up, You Idiot!")
  • The war on drugs (one of my favorites)
  • The war on illegal immigration
  • The war on poverty (lost long ago but still running)
  • The war on Christmas
  • The war on Julian Assange (Operation Oh shut up II)
  • The war on Somali Pirates (Operation Arrrgh!)
  • The war on Kanye West (Operation We're-a not gonna let you finish)
  • The war on infrastructure (Operation StadiumBridge)
  • The war on obesity (Operation Porcoff)
  • The war in Venezuela (Operation Wot-a-wankah)
  • The war on feral pigs (Operation oink-a-wee!)

Please select no more than three (or if you suggest others, limit your total to three or fewer,) since the US military is a bit busy right now.

Monday, December 6, 2010

Overheard in the hospital

Hospital tech: Is yo' pants off yet? We got a big problem with people comin' down here for colonoscopies with they pants still on.
Patient: What?
Tech: What you havin' done?
Patient: A bronchoscopy.
Tech: You kin keep yo' pants on.
UM Hospital Non-invasive procedures

Factory rat: Yeah, old Fred* was a scrapper. When he was in the service, he bit the ear off a guy, you know, back before it was even popular.
Huron Gastro-enterology waiting room

Perhaps unfortunately, those were just about all the humorous utterances involved in my recent experiences.

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Missed this one

For many years, especially while I was an active Food Gatherers volunteer, we were kept aware of the need to distinguish between prepared food -- actually cooked dishes -- that came from a state-inspected commercial kitchen and food that did not.  The state Department of Agriculture needed to sign off on your home made granola bars, if you were going to sell or donate them, just as though you were a restaurant or something.

Somehow without my noticing, that's changed.  We now have a see-how-you-like-it law that lets you play around with producing food for sale, if you have less than $15,000 presumably a year, in revenue.  All you have to do is label it "Made in a home kitchen that has not been inspected by the Michigan Department of Agriculture."

Interesting.  I would not have predicted that the DoA would ever let go of any of its power, especially given the misguided zeal it exhibits in tracking down evil providers of non-factory-farm products and even on-the-side ventures like smoking meats.  The law does seem to balance the needs of early-days business plans with the unquestionable dangers of inexpert food safety -- there are things I wouldn't try that just came out of somebody's kitchen, myself, just because I know how casual my own approach to temperatures and cleanliness has been.  Thoughts? Step in the right direction or invitation to pandemics?