The Occasional Joke

Nurse: Patient's name?

Centurion: Marcus Licinius Crassus

Nurse: And his date of birth?

Centurion: 115 BC.

Nurse: All right. And what is he here for?

Centurion: Cataphract surgery.

Saturday, October 2, 2010

Oh, no! Not Christmas carols already!

You gotta fight fire with fire, son. Before every damn public sound system in the western world starts bleating 'em, we gotta get a jump on parodying 'em. I'll give you covering fire and you start thinking:
O Rahm, O Rahm, Emanuel
Come ransom captive Chicago
That mourns in sleazy exile here
Until the grandson of Daley come
Rejoice! Rejoice! Emanuel
Shall come to thee, O Chicago.

The first concern, Shareholders did say,
Is to maximize earnings on day after day
On day after day, and at night when asleep,
From the slick CEO to the Marketing Creep.
Cover your tracks or they'll put you away.

It's the post-modernist time of the year.
With Foucault being silly
And whipping his willy
Sans fear
It's the least sensible meme of the year.

It's the least humanist style of them all.
With faux Tudor half-timbers
And fake neon embers and Victorian
Crap over here:
It's the post-modernist time of the year.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

What they don't tell you

The monkeys are being provided by an unnamed US security contractor.

Oh, come on ...

First it was flying submarines, now flying Humvees. Perhaps it's time for another round of drug screening at DARPA.

2010 10 01 - update: and let's check into what the Canadians are smoking, too, while we're at it.

Monday, September 27, 2010

Tragedy or just massive irony?

The gentleman who owns the Segway company has died when he apparently rode, yes, you guessed it, his Segway off a cliff and into a river.

The Segway, you will recall, is the invention that was supposed to revolutionize transportation. Instead, it is essentially nothing but the enabler for Steve Wozniac to play a kind of nerd's polo and for the unfortunate Jimi Heselden to crash to his death, less than a year after buying the company. This is of approximately the same magnitude on the ironologic scale as it would be if Victor Kiam had accidentally decapitated himself with a Remington Electric Shaver.

Fashionable Ann Arbor

Please note that I am not really qualified to throw stones regarding fashion; I own mid-Michigan's largest collection of Duluth Trading long-sleeve, pocket T-shirts, after all, and my idea of fabulous footwear is a good pair of Rockport Pro-walkers.

But I was mildly amused yesterday morning, coming back through downtown Ann Arbor, to see a great example of student chic; it was 56 degrees, according to the car's outside temperature readout, with a stiff, cold breeze blowing at the corner of Huron and Main. A young man was walking north with his girlfriend (I identify her as such based on occasional public displays of affection,) wearing a UM hoodie, madras plaid shorts, and flip-flops. And carrying Chinese takeout.