The Occasional Joke

Nurse: Patient's name?

Centurion: Marcus Licinius Crassus

Nurse: And his date of birth?

Centurion: 115 BC.

Nurse: All right. And what is he here for?

Centurion: Cataphract surgery.

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Is our rednecks lerning?

Periodically, I get catalogs -- constantly, I get catalogs. Oy, do I get catalogs. Among them are a lot of middle-of-the-road material, one or two preferred vendors, and then -- far off the left side of the chart, quality-wise, not politically -- are a couple of outliers. Their target market seems to be the American undomesticated wild ass, the person, probably male, probably single, probably a grade-school drop out, with a small amount of disposable income and no taste for the finer (or even less-awful) things in life.  The guy whose wardrobe consists of wife-beaters and hoodies with silk-screened eagles on 'em.  I enjoy reading those catalogs a great deal, and from time to time, I am compelled to share some of their products with you.  This is one of those times.
As you deconstruct this narrative, note the following: you don't often see "Executive" and "Ridge Runner" together in the same context.  Consider the level of quality this product must exhibit, given its princely MSRP of $17.00.  And finally, wonder at the assertion, "Perfect gift for the boss."

Exhibit two;
First of all, your honor, although the prosecution admits that there were submarines, at least a couple, operable in the Civil War, none of them "ruled the seas."  They were, in fact, barely able to function without sinking and drowning their crews wholesale -- in fact, several of them did just that. Further, of all the "collectible" equipment that sub crews in the 1860's would have used, edged weapons were not really at the top of the must-have list.  "Out cutlasses and board," was not an order frequently heard in that context. And finally let me just say in closing, that while this may be a reproduction of a US Navy cutlass, it is certainly not a replica of a US Navy Civil War Submariner's cutlass. Why? Because the US Navy didn't have any damn submarines in the Civil War.  The Confederates put a few into the water, how many we don't know, and lost a lot of men in the course of finding out just how poor an idea it was, given the technology they had. The US wasn't interested, due to an unusual combination of hidebound conservatism and remarkably astute assessment of the likelihood of success.

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