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CAN WE AFFORD IT?
There's big money in it, high-profile real estate deals to be done, and a glitzy, glamorous image being presented. People who take part are encouraged to think of themselves as "players" and to spend money right and left. There are magazines, TV shows, and web sites, all trying to give it a positive spin. But underneath it all, there's a tragic story of addiction, loss, and human pathos. Join us tonight when Wood- Charles brings you, "Golf: Clubbed Into Submission."
To some people, golf is still connected with gangsters and the underworld, a legacy of the prohibition era, when golf was illegal throughout the United States. In fundamentalist Islamic cultures, golf is a creature of the devil, inextricably linked with an incident in the 12th century, when dissenting sects in Afghanistan attacked each other with putters. And most Southern Baptists at least claim to shun golf, on the grounds that it leads to dancing.
But lately, perhaps as part of America's general moral decline, perhaps due to our increasing exposure to violence in the media and the lack of stable, two- parent families, more and more of our impressionable adults are turning to golf, some briefly, losing no more than a few weekends and a few thousand dollars in equipment and clothing , others losing livelihoods, homes, marriages, and their sense of self worth. The question has to be: can America afford it?
Golf can be subtle or all-consuming. Two case histories serve to demonstrate the range of ill effects otherwise (more or less) rational people can suffer.
One such history, that of Mr. Ken P., illustrates the middle path. Mr. P. describes himself as a social golfer. He plays one or two games a week, "just to relax," and truly believes that he can quit anytime he wants. However, in the last year, he's left his high- prestige career in the tape software business and is supporting himself with a meagre living in the fastener trade, which he supplements by hustling restaurants for free chicken wings.
More alarming is the story of Tom K. After a lifetime of abstemious behavior, he was introduced to golf by a relative. Within months, Mr. K. had lost his job, and so had everyone who worked with him! While this is admittedly not typical, it illustrates the devastating effects golf can have
What can be done? Golf courses are springing up everywhere. As the rust belt cities of the north try to rejuvenate their aging centres, golf courses look like a quick answer. In Detroit alone, dozens of dilapidated casinos in the downtown area are being bulldozed to make way for golf facilities. Mayor Mel Farr is actively backing the golf initiative, swearing that it will bring employment and revenue to the city. But many worry that all it will bring is tacky landscaping and desperate Mason shoe dealers, hoping against hope that they'll beat the odds. Others propose a conspiracy theory: golf is a minority plot to get mainstream whities hooked on something that will break up their families, enslave them to corporate interests, and divert their attention from more subtle attacks on American values like Lilith Fair and the Teletubbies.
How can you tell if you or someone close to you is involved with golf? Experts say that there are several warning signs: always being short of money; strange tastes in shoes; and a tendency to buy up large tracts of land in the northern lower peninsula. If you think you may have a problem with golf, the American Medical Association suggests trying something cheaper and less time-consuming, like getting a Ph.D. in Particle Physics or restoring vintage motorcycles.
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The Wood-Charles News Service has been brought to you by the Odd Town Tavern and Golf Resort in sunny downtown Ann Arbor, where everyone is trying to promote a new euphemism, "Dumber than a Kansas School Board."
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